National Amuser – Fun + Satire

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GREATEST NEWSPAPER ONCE

Lighter Than Gravity Travel

Folks want passenger blimps and not dirty jets. Luxury lighter than air travel was easy 100 years ago with Zeppelins (big blimps). Why did Zeppelins disappear? Read More - Anti-Gravity

A main stream story is told how hydrogen gas to keep the big blimps aloft easily caught fire. Perhaps the alternate helium gas is too amazing to share with folks. Helium may hold many secrets. Some skeptics scoff about “orbits,” and wonder if helium is the secret gas that keep satellites aloft.

Helium has the qualities needed for passenger balloon projects to float again. The “they” say helium is difficult to make and there is a severe shortage. You can choose what to believe with your raised eyebrows. So much is a secret.

High altitude heavy duty helium weather balloons keep track of storms. It beams data signals to the ground weather office. High altitude balloons seem just like satellites we imagine floating in space and as seen on TV. Could it be?

One can think that the government hoards helium supplies for the so-called space program satellites. Folks want more than flimsy birthday helium balloons and laughing gas. We want blimps. We want lighter than gravity travel. ◆ Click to Close

Light Pollution Problems

Lots of money goes to pay for streetlights and yard lamps. It turns naturally dark, storytelling nights, into overexposed revelations of crass real estate projects, private schools, and empty shopping centers. See More - Pollution

It truly lights up the hell people mistakenly think this life represents. Ancient peoples, including our Native American families, worshiped the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars. Even the three wise men in bible times in the Arabian territory, wisely followed the lights under dark night covers.

Astrologers know how to read the messages, and not everyone listens. The dark skies initiative wants to darken things up a bit. “It will put the heavenly lights on our minds again,” says Reverend Polly Lumens, a dark sky activist. “People are missing the signs of heaven in front of their eyes,” she adds.

The activists want folks to dim lights, set timers, and observe light discipline. They want city streetlights to go dark after one minute when no movement is detected. A goal is so people in the hearts of big cities can catch glimpses of the Milky Way Galaxy, or the dome over which covers the Earth say some. ● Click to Close

Not edgy.. We are the vanguard.
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Birth Records Destroyed

Public records are not safe. Citizens in Troy City, South Georgia were shocked about the fire that destroyed the town office. All the computers and files containing birth records for thousands of people were lost in the blaze. Read More - Records Destroyed

“Insurance money will pay for the new building but all the records are gone, said Ida Hardly, known as the acting town manager since the last disputed election. Individuals affected are asked to fill in blank birth applications and mail them in for processing.

“We believe folks will be honest and give us accurate information,” she added. Birth records are of vital importance to prove citizenship, and to get passports or licenses to drive. Skeptics say it is a pledge of a soul to controllers. ◆ Click to Close

Passionate Men
The less passion a woman possesses, the more she prizes a strong passionate man. This is a natural consequence, for if she married one equally passionless, their children would be poorly endowed or they would have none; she therefore admires him who makes up the deficit. Hence very amorous men prefer quiet, modest and reserved women. Personality sizes do matter.

Florida Fruit Industry
Fruit culture is a great industry. Millions of melons and great quantities of pineapples, oranges, and small fruit form the early crop that is shipped North. The orange groves are mainly in Florida. The crop is exhausted about the time that California oranges are shipped East. A great deal of tropical fruit is brought from Mexican, Central American, and South American ports.

Proper Visit Lengths
When a first and formal visit is made, fifteen or twenty minutes is the usual time for exchanging civilities, and for making a graceful exit. The ordinary formal visit may be extended from a quarter to three-quarters of an hour. A friendly visit may be continued an hour, and sometimes an hour and a half. Always do your utmost best to be smart, keeping it brief.

Self-Supportive
The young man who gives evidence of thrift is always in demand. Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you undertake. A young man, sober, honest and industrious, holding a responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires a certainty. Be ambitious young man.

Sexual Temperance - All excesses and absurdities of every kind should be avoided. Many of the female disorders that often revenge themselves in the cessation of all sexual pleasure are largely due to the excessive practice of sexual indulgence.

Some things should be forever left to the imagination, not something to tease and sample as a means to satiate a curious nature. It is unwise to venture down dark alleys and be sure to cover your bets if you blow on the dice.

Historic Ad

Gardens Everywhere - A century ago, each community in the USA was almost self-sustaining.

Each grew its own foodstuffs, and manufactured things used in the homes. Gardens were everywhere. Very little was required in the way of transport. The means of carriage were mainly ox-carts, packhorses, and rafts. There was a mutual independence among the various centers, it is true, but the independence kept opinions and prices at a bit higher value price. Mind your garden.

About the Sun - The great body of the sun is gaseous, though hard for us to conceive of the condition of the gaseous core, at once subject to great temperature and pressure.

Probably it is a gas so thick that it would resist motion as putty does. Nor do we know much of the nature of either the sunspots or the solar corona. They may influence the earth's magnetism, but whether it affects weather, rainfall, and storms is a matter of debate.

Truest Kind of Beauty
Facial beauty is only skin-deep. A beautiful form, a graceful figure, graceful movements and a kind heart are the strongest charms in the perfection of female beauty. A brilliant face always outshines what may be called a pretty face, for intelligence is that queenly grace which crowns woman's influence over men. Good looks and good and pure conduct awaken a man's love for women. A girl must therefore be charming as well as beautiful, for a girl with charm will never become a charmless, dull and hapless wife. ▪

Know Your Nose

Sleeping with the face uncovered is as essential as sleeping in fresh air. Many of our people are in the habit of sleeping with the face covered, which means that they inhale the poisonous air that they have just exhaled.

Fortunately however, some of the air from outside does find its way through the interstices of the cloth, else they would suffocate and die. But the small quantity of air that gains entrance in this way is altogether inadequate. If we are suffering from cold, we may cover the head with a piece of cloth, or put on a nightcap, but the nose should be kept exposed under all circumstances. ▰

Something About Easter
This name derives from the goddess of light and of spring, in whose honor a festival was held in April. Few of the olden customs at this time still survive.
Eggs, as being the emblem of the Resurrection,

are peculiar to the feast of Easter, and it is lucky to eat them on the morning of Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday was known as the Sunday of Joy, and was celebrated by gifts to the poor and the liberation of prisoners.

Cordial Introductions - With the passing of the ridiculous half-finger handshake, with the arm extended upward and the wrist bent awkwardly, introductions have become more cordial and sincere. Which is entirely as it should be. Too many people go through the ceremony of an introduction merely as a matter of duty, without realizing its portent in the matter of friendship and future acquaintance.

Seven and Twelve - In reference to planets and Zodiac signs, the numbers seven and twelve were thought as sacred by the Astrologers, and dedications were made to them in many ways.

In the allegories, the planets were designated as spirits or messengers to the Supreme Deity, imaginarily enthroned above the firmament, which we find inscribed in the Book of Revelation, writing "Seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven spirits of God."

Zen Relaxation — Nowadays people are more stressed. If the problem is left untreated, people can experience muscle and back pain. Practitioners of martial arts and eastern religions mix stretching, exercise, diet, and meditation to balance their lives.
"It is important to stretch 20 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes before going to bed," reported Maya Flynn, a part-time yoga and tai chi teacher in Rhode Island.

"One doctor told my sister she needs surgery and another one said she needed yoga. And now, a year later she is doing great because she started exercising," Ms. Flynn added. She also suggests getting books and watching videos on meditation to take away life’s stresses. ◆

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