National Amuser – Fun + Satire

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GREATEST NEWSPAPER ONCE

Water World Warning

Old films like ‘Water World’ are part of the government's early public warning system. Fiction is used to disguise the hard facts otherwise likely to cause fear and panic. Seen as entertainment, the viewer has to ‘read between the lines’ to see the truth of a big flood coming. Sea More Water

Glaciers and cold polar icecaps melt if the global heater is on full blast. Trusted experts say that water will flood the earth again like in the days of Noah and the Lost Ark. Select humans will live on calamity barges. Cruise ships today can be made over quickly for a wet nightmare.

“All the cruise ships we see these days are here for a whole different reason,” says Barry Gibson, an activities director on a big ocean liner. “The ships are for a future emergency - to evacuate the rich elite,” he warns.

A doomsday report (the “report”) claims how survivors in the watery future will battle to control what little land and resources remain. A big wet future is a huge concern and now rainy seasons are often above average. Storms are worse than ever before.

“Not everyone will survive,” says Helen Gaynor of Newark New Jersey. “First, the coastal lowlands will flood. And then the rest of the Earth’s plane,” she adds.

The report says “The Day After Tomorrow” film helps explain how weather will take 10 years to reset back to normal. It will take a whole generation (40 years) in the buildup to the crisis and in the time it takes for the water to subside (go away).

“It is hard to believe. It is all nonsense and I could care less about some water,” says Jeff Bell of drought-parched Nevada. Jeff is a lesser known conspiracy critic and skeptic of the doomsday report. ◆ Click to Close

Comet Tells of END Times!

Comets now days warn how end times are upon humankind claims Pastor Dick Eioh of Orono, Maine. Dick hosts a bible decipher webinar group. Groups meet weekly by invitation only. See More - Comet Scare

A master stained-glass artist and part-time pastor urges, “Say your prayers, and fast.” His shtick is that our life adventure is a garden where we sow and grow spirits.

Pastor Dick, as his so-called friends call him, is a graduate of the Anti-Divinity University (ADU). The ADU school focuses on “heaven on earth” and afterlife theology.

An anonymous “official” suggests, “Groups that warn of dire consequences and poor outcomes should be ignored.” People do not have time to ponder eternity. ● Click to Close

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Birth Records Destroyed

Public records are not safe. Citizens in Troy City, South Georgia were shocked about the fire that destroyed the town office. All the computers and files containing birth records for thousands of people were lost in the blaze. Read More - Records Destroyed

“Insurance money will pay for the new building but all the records are gone, said Ida Hardly, known as the acting town manager since the last disputed election. Individuals affected are asked to fill in blank birth applications and mail them in for processing.

“We believe folks will be honest and give us accurate information,” she added. Birth records are of vital importance to prove citizenship, and to get passports or licenses to drive. Skeptics say it is a pledge of a soul to controllers. ◆ Click to Close

Keep Condolences Brief
Calls of inquiry, condolence and information should not be prolonged longer than is required to obtain the information that you require. Calls of condolence should be made especially short, as it is a mark of inconsideration to force oneself on a hostess who is suffering a recent bereavement. It is enough that you express sympathy and depart quickly. Being long in speech is rude.

On Sexual Proprieties
To have offspring is not regarded as a luxury, but as a great necessity of health and happiness, that every fully developed guy and gal should have a fair share. It cannot be denied that the ignorance of the necessity of sexual intercourse to the health and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral philosophy.

About Constellations
Seeing how some celestial luminaries maintained the same relation to each other, and calling them "fixed stars," ancient astronomers grouped those visible into 48 constellations; and named them, they also gave names to the stars of larger magnitude, which was done to locate and distinguish them with greater ease. Shepherds at night saw how the stars moved.

Self-Supportive
The young man who gives evidence of thrift is always in demand. Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you undertake. A young man, sober, honest and industrious, holding a responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires a certainty. Be ambitious young man.

Good Homes Great Schools
It is at home where young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control, and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the true school of courtesy, of which women are often the best practical instructors. Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a center. It was said that, "to love the little platoon we belong to in society is the seed of all public affections." The wisest and best are not ashamed to say their greatest joy and happiness is to sit in the inviolable circle of a good home life. ▰

Historic Ad

About Wool - The wool of commerce is mostly applied to the fleece of the common sheep. There is no hard and fast distinction between hair and wool, but generally wool fibers have rough edges and hair has a hard, smooth surface.

If a mass of loose wool is spread out and beaten, or pressed between rollers, the fibers interlock closely that a thick, strong cloth called felt is made without spinning or weaving.

Feel Earth Spinning - The Earth is nearly a round body, and revolves on its axis, once every twenty-four hours, from west to east, which causes the Sun and stars to appear to rise in the east, and set in the west.

It is taught that Earth spins at about 1,000 miles per hour. The earth’s surface contains about two hundred million square miles, and its orbit is 96 million miles from the Sun. It takes Earth 365 days to go around the Sun. Try to feel the earth move under your feet.

Jamaica Vacation
The number of women headed for Jamaica may go up thanks to Martha Stewart teaming up with Snoop Dog to bake brownies. Cooking for the munchies has become mainstream television programming. Jamaica wants to cash in on the new love for cannabis, cooking, and companionship.
Travel advocates say cannabis, tropical cuisine, and Jamaica’s long hospitality history for providing comfort and companionship to visitors is a big draw to get tourists visiting the island nation. Island officials deny that some tourists just come a lot from the big and special companionship hookups that may cook things up. ▰

Marriage-bed Resolutions

Most men of the educated classes enter the marriage-bed with the consciousness of leaving behind them a whole army of prostitutes or seduced women, in whose arms they cooled their passions and spent the vigor of their youth. But with such a past the married man does not at the same time leave behind him its influence on his inclinations.

The habit of having a feminine being at his disposal for each rising appetite, and the desire for change inordinately indulged for years, is generally felt again as soon as the honeymoon is over. Sadly, marriage will not make a morally corrupt man all at once a good man and a model husband. ■

How to Dress Men
A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar.
Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault.

If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose. ▰

Watch Rice Grow - Rice is the seed of a cereal grass. It is claimed to be native to India, but it is known to have been cultivated in China for more than five thousand years. It grows wild in Australia and Malaysia. Rice requires plenty of warmth and moisture. It is cultivated in the warmer parts of the temperate zone, but it thrives best in the tropical regions.

Ten Great Religions - Ten Great Religions James F. Clarke, in his book "Ten Great Religions," gives as the ten most important faiths of ancient and modern times the following: (1) Confucianism, (2) Hinduism,

(3) Buddhism, (4) Followers of Zoroaster, (5) Religion of Egypt, (6) Religion of Greece and Rome, (7) Teutonic and Scandinavian Religion, (8) Judaism, (9) Christianity, and (10) Islam. ▪

Fast Young Men Many of our "fast young men" have been thus corrupted. Certainly no one can deny that many of our "well-bred" young men are little better than "high-class dogs" so lawless are they, and ready for the arena of licentiousness. They pursue animal passion.

Common sense teaches how children who are begotten in the heat of sick passion, are likely to be licentious when they grow up. Many parents through excesses of eating and drinking become inflamed with wine and strong drink. Now, if in such conditions folks beget their children, who can affect surprise if the children likewise develop similar debilitating tendencies? It is unwise to befoul a family nest.

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