Patootie News – Amusing Satire & More

GREATEST NEWSPAPER ONCE

NOT FIT TO PRINT

Water World Warning

Old films like ‘Water World’ are part of the government's early public warning system. Fiction is used to disguise the hard facts otherwise likely to cause fear and panic. Seen as entertainment, the viewer has to ‘read between the lines’ to see the truth of a big flood coming. Sea More Water

Glaciers and cold polar icecaps melt if the global heater is on full blast. Trusted experts say that water will flood the earth again like in the days of Noah and the Lost Ark. Select humans will live on calamity barges. Cruise ships today can be made over quickly for a wet nightmare.

“All the cruise ships we see these days are here for a whole different reason,” says Barry Gibson, an activities director on a big ocean liner. “The ships are for a future emergency - to evacuate the rich elite,” he warns.

A doomsday report (the “report”) claims how survivors in the watery future will battle to control what little land and resources remain. A big wet future is a huge concern and now rainy seasons are often above average. Storms are worse than ever before.

“Not everyone will survive,” says Helen Gaynor of Newark New Jersey. “First, the coastal lowlands will flood. And then the rest of the Earth’s plane,” she adds.

The report says “The Day After Tomorrow” film helps explain how weather will take 10 years to reset back to normal. It will take a whole generation (40 years) in the buildup to the crisis and in the time it takes for the water to subside (go away).

“It is hard to believe. It is all nonsense and I could care less about some water,” says Jeff Bell of drought-parched Nevada. Jeff is a lesser known conspiracy critic and skeptic of the doomsday report. ◆ Click to Close

Comet Tells of END Times!

Comets now days warn how end times are upon humankind claims Pastor Dick Eioh of Orono, Maine. Dick hosts a bible decipher webinar group. Groups meet weekly by invitation only. See More - Comet Scare

A master stained-glass artist and part-time pastor urges, “Say your prayers, and fast.” His shtick is that our life adventure is a garden where we sow and grow spirits.

Pastor Dick, as his so-called friends call him, is a graduate of the Anti-Divinity University (ADU). The ADU school focuses on “heaven on earth” and afterlife theology.

An anonymous “official” suggests, “Groups that warn of dire consequences and poor outcomes should be ignored.” People do not have time to ponder eternity. ● Click to Close

Do you believe.. the hoopla?
More or Less..?

Hidden Money Mystery

A 500-year old money laundering scheme is a big secret to hide. History books only hint at it. The stories seem too wacko to believe. If true, it explains a lot. Can history unlock the modern banking system cartel? See More - Hidden Money

Todd Dungeon, an ancient modern history buff believes in secrets. Folks in the know want his dragon tales and truths to be told.

“Me and Todd talk about money that paid for among other things, like the Mayflower voyage cruise to America,” says Bill Bradford, who knows a lot.

Dungeon’s blog tales tell how long ago a very wealthy group of religious heretic refugees from France now own the world!

Such wild claims come by reading the Treaty of Westphalia to end the wars of religion in 1648 and from putting together the puzzle pieces it left.

More about Dungeon’s tales can be found in his anonymous blogs on the Internet that discuss the hidden power of French Huguenots in history. They are hard to find since censors are quick to ghost and remove it. ▪ Click to Close

More About Tobacco
Tobacco is widely consumed. It is a plant native to the Americas and a valuable crop grown by farmers. Specifically, tobacco refers to any of various plants native to tropical America and widely planted for their leaves, which are dried and processed for smoking in pipes, cigarettes, and cigars; it is also cut to form chewing tobacco or ground to make snuff.

More About Wills
While it seems that every one has a right to dispose of his/her property as they so choose, a will is not likely to stand in law if it can be proven the maker of it was under undue or unfair influence, and, therefore, distributed the property to the prejudice of those who would be entitled to it if no will was made. It is important to write a will. Please consult an attorney to draft one.

School of Character
Home is the first and most important school of character. It is there that every human being receives his or her best moral training, or his or her worst, for it is there that he or she imbibes those principles of conduct that endure through adulthood, and cease only with life. Teach your children well goes the folk song from hippie days. Be a light and show the way.

About Introductions
An introduction is not just merely a trivial convention or a duty that must be attended to. It is an important ceremony and the very corner stone of friendship. To be formally introduced is to have a certain demand on one's future good graces and friendliness. Thus, it is bad taste to introduce rashly, without due care. Attend to introductions with panache and respect.

About Baking Bread
It is difficult to give rules for making bread; it depends so much on judgment and experience.

In summer, bread should be mixed with cold water; during a chilly, damp spell, the water should be slightly warm; in severe cold weather, it should be mixed quite warm, and set in a warm place during the night. If your yeast is new and lively, a small quantity will make the bread rise, if it be old and heavy, it will take more. In these things I believe wisdom must be gained by a few mistakes. ●

Historic Ad

Captivating Kentucky - Kentucky is one of the most healthful and beautiful States in the USA. The greater part of its land is arable and productive.

The famous blue grass in Kentucky gives rise to equestrian culture and folk music. The Ohio and Mississippi rivers form an easy navigation link. The productions are wheat, tobacco, maize, rye, and to a small extent, cotton. The inhabitants are brave, frank, and hospitable.

Feel Earth Spinning - The Earth is nearly a round body, and revolves on its axis, once every twenty-four hours, from west to east, which causes the Sun and stars to appear to rise in the east, and set in the west.

It is taught that Earth spins at about 1,000 miles per hour. The earth’s surface contains about two hundred million square miles, and its orbit is 96 million miles from the Sun. It takes Earth 365 days to go around the Sun. Try to feel the earth move under your feet.

Don't Say Its
Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie expresses rest. Don't say them bonnets; say those bonnets. Don't say party for person. Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful. Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, tomorrow. Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar. Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish. Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she. ■

Readers Are Sexier

Cultivate personal attraction. This means the storing of your mind with knowledge of current events, and with a good idea of the world's progress or lack of it. If you read nothing, zip, zero, and make no effort to make yourself attractive, you will soon sink down into a dull hack of stupidity.

If your partner never hears from you any words of wisdom, or of common information, he or she will soon hear nothing from you. Dress and gossips soon wear out. If your memory is weak, so that it seems not worth the effort to read, that is more reason for reading. Reading is a fundamental need. Expand your thoughts with great topics and ignore mindless drivel like found where you now look! ■

How to Dress Men
A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar.
Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault.

If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose. ▰

Hawaii Shipping - Honolulu, on the island of Oahu, is the capital and commercial center, and foreign steamships and sailing-craft are scarcely ever absent from its harbor. Regular shipping service connects this port with San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, B.C., and the principal ports of Asia. It is connected with the other islands by an inter-island transit system. The city has great schools, business organizations, hotels, and streets. ▰

New World Wonders - The amazing seven wonders of the new world are (1) Niagara Falls, (2) Yellowstone Park, (3) Garden of the Gods, (4) Mammoth Cave, (5) Yosemite Valley, (6) Giant Trees, and (7) Natural Bridge. The new world is generally understood as comprised of both North and South America. ▴

City of the Dead - This is quite unlike any cemetery of modern times. Here were temples, tombs of kings and queens, tombs of the wealthy citizens, and the symbolic lake of the dead. Here were unpretentious tombs of the masses. Nor was this all.
We see that the Egyptian felt it necessary to supply the dead with all the necessities of life, such as food, furniture, and ornaments. Here were the shops where such things might be obtained. Here were the embalmers, the makers of linen used by them; here lived the priests who said prayers over each finger and toe of the deceased and made bodies ready for its everlasting home. ▰

Sign Up For Our Free Newsletter
Receive Patootie tidbits & much more!

THANK YOU FOR READING
The Patootie News
For Oregon & Washington
We are the vanguard.
 -- Advertisement --

Hope & Hoopla - In the hour of adversity be not without hope, for the rain does fall from black clouds. Look out with hope, not despair.

"We are never so much disposed to quarrel with others as when we are dissatisfied with ourselves."

Gorge WEB MASTER
Great Deals & Service
Serving the Columbia Gorge
Hosting & WordPress
 -- Advertisement --

☢

📰